I'm writing this with the feeling of respect and sorry for all lecturers I've ever luckily encountered.
when I was in the bachelor's degree, It's well known among my classmates that I was a kind of student who likely to skip the 1st-period class and late for other classes, had never prepared for classes and didn't seriously pay attention to classes that I don't like.
maybe it's because I'm older and now understood how hard to (actually) work hard. if I sit down and remember all both my bachelor and master lecturers, I could now see how dedicated and passionate they are to their specialization, I mean as an engineering graduate, you could get a higher salary working as an engineer in a construction company. I remember when my lecturers, one who just landed around 5-6 a.m and attended class on 7 am, one who arrived on time even on the raining day, ones who know most of the students don't pay attention but still give the lecture and always arrive on time, ones who smile while delivering the lecture showing how fun it is for him (even if it's damn complicated for us).
now, when I'm in the class, even though the subject is extremely uninteresting for me, seeing how dedicated the lecturer, hoping he could deliver it so we can understand and realizing that it takes a lot of preparation to deliver the topic, motivate me. can't help but smile.
If my motivation and passion have died on that 1.5 years of my depression period. seeing dedicated lecturers erases those "for what the freaking purposes I have to work hard?" "why nothing feels interesting anymore" "why they look so happy" "why now things feel like responsibilities, not a passion " questions.
Also, I just finished my grudge for failing to be an architect.
I finally found the reason why Allah puts me where I am now.
and recently I questioned myself, are you sure this is what you wanted? are you sure those loneliness are comparable to the destination you're heading? are those hardships that no one understands worth the price?
Well, now I'm sure.
I guess, I'm back on my track again.
